One of the Reasons
by CinnamonDragon
Summary: "I already told you, you can't have it both ways, Regulus. Either you choose You-Know-Who or you choose people like me. And if you want to become a Death Eater, then that is the last conversation we'll ever have."
1. The Girl

**A/N: As we all know, Regulus Arcturus Black was never ****"just evil". I think many things contributed to his eventual change of heart (Voldemort's treatment of Kreacher being the last straw), and this is a story about one of these reasons: his relationship with a blood traitor from Hufflepuff. It will be a multi-chaptered fic but not a very long one. I hope you'll enjoy it. Reviews will be much appreciated!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.**

One of the Reasons

1. The Girl

It was a cold Saturday afternoon in early January and Regulus Black had just finished his Quidditch practice. Although he was dead tired and longed for bed, he took a quick shower and trudged to the library. He had been given a lot of essays for homework this week and somehow they never wanted to write themselves. (And the fact that he was a Slytherin didn't necessarily mean he was content with low grades. Or detentions, for that matter.) But there was an upside to this situation which made it a lot more enjoyable and it was the high probability of seeing The Girl.

He must have seen her before but he hadn't really noticed her till this year. He walked into the library on one of the first days of school and – bam! – there she was. He didn't know what it was that caught his attention. Why he suddenly saw her in a different way than any other girl before. She was quite ordinary, there was nothing mysterious or exceedingly beautiful about her, and she definitely wasn't the loud type who would do anything to get into the spotlight. But somehow she stood apart from all the other girls in Hogwarts.

He didn't know much about her; only what he observed during his studying in the library. He noticed for example that she always wore red trainers and a carved wooden bangle around her left wrist, and that she was energetic and high-spirited. Usually she let her chestnut hair fall freely onto her shoulders but sometimes she pulled it into a ponytail, allowing him to admire her long graceful neck. Most of the time she studied with a group of friends and it looked like she was really helpful and patient when explaining things. When she was bored, she often levitated her quill or charmed her inkpot to do backflips. She obeyed most of the library rules, though he saw her smuggling in biscuits a couple of times. Oh, and she was a Hufflepuff but he was trying not to think about it.

The first thing he did after entering the library that evening was to look around for her but she wasn't there yet. His favourite table near the window was occupied so he took another seat and waited impatiently for The Girl to appear. Finally she came in with a group of friends and they all sat at a nearby table. He had a very good view of her now and could see the twinkle in her eyes when she smiled. She seemed especially perky that evening, and he couldn't take his eyes off her. But he tried really hard to do some work, too. His essay on Vanishing big mammals was due on Monday, after all.

After an hour he went to fetch a book he thought might come in useful (_How To Vanish An Elephant In Three Easy Steps_) and when he came back, there was a note lying on top of his essay. Somebody (and he had a pretty good idea who it was) had written in clear handwriting: _Stop staring. It's annoying._

So apparently he wasn't as stealthy as he thought. He only hoped nobody else had noticed or he could be in trouble with his mates. The Girl was a Hufflepuff, after all, so she was technically off-limits to him.

This was the moment when he should have used his head for more than something to keep his ears apart and let the whole matter drop. It was not too late, nothing incriminating had happened, nobody knew he had a thing for a Hufflepuff girl. He had only to walk away and stop thinking about her, nothing more. But he didn't. For once he didn't listen to the voice in his head that always told him to stay out of trouble and do only what was expected of him. He just threw all caution to the wind and jumped at the opportunity to establish contact. True, he couldn't see RSVP written anywhere but he could always argue he felt he should answer the note out of sheer politeness. And it was the only way to fix her bad first impression of him: he didn't want her to think he was a creep or a jerk. So he took a deep breath, wrote "I'm sorry" on another piece of parchment and slipped it into her bag on his way out.

He passed her in the corridor the next morning and was quite sure she eyed him thoughtfully. But when he entered the library that evening, she did not acknowledge his presence in any way and he was baffled. Did he come across as a creepy stalker, then? Maybe he should have added something about not being able to stop looking at her beautiful eyes/hair/smile? But wouldn't that be too cheesy? After all, he just wanted to get acquainted, not profess undying love to her. But maybe he didn't make his intentions clear? He had to admit "I'm sorry" meant something a little different than "I want to know you". But then, girls were supposed to be good at reading between the lines, right?

He couldn't concentrate on his work and kept glancing at her every few seconds. Once or twice their eyes met but she quickly dropped her gaze. As there were no signs of flirting on her part, he guessed she still found him annoying. After an hour she stood up and he quickly started leafing through one of his books to appear busy. He thought she was looking for something on the shelves and was therefore surprised when she came up to his desk.

"I'm sorry, is there a problem?" she asked, frowning slightly.

"Um… No, why?"

"Well, you keep staring at me as if I had something on my face, so I just wondered if there was something wrong," she replied frigidly. She didn't seem at all apprehensive about addressing an older Slytherin.

"There's nothing wrong with your face," he said the first thing that popped into his head. She didn't smile at the dubious compliment.

"No, but there's something wrong with my blood, eh?" she replied scathingly and turned away. He quickly caught her wrist to stop her.

"I don't even know your blood status. And–" He wanted to add that he didn't care about it but she cut him off.

"Well, by your standards, I'm a blood traitor," she said proudly, as if challenging him to curse her. Then she whipped out her wand and used a Revulsion Jinx to make him let go of her hand.

"Ow!"

"No magic in the library, young lady!" Madam Pince was upon them within seconds.

The Girl apologized stiffly and went back to her table. Regulus rubbed his hand and grimaced. He couldn't believe his rotten luck. Not only was she a blood traitor from Hufflepuff, but she also thought he was a Death Eater on the prowl to kill people like her. Well, he couldn't really blame her, though it really complicated everything. But he admired her pluck and this incident only made him more determined to get to know her.


	2. Plans and Surprises

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews, story alerts and favs, especially so early on. It's a great motivation ;) I hope you'll like the second chapter, too. Enjoy and review**** (favourite quotes are nice, too)!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. **

One of the Reasons

2. Plans and Surprises

An opportunity presented itself the next time he was studying in the library. (Or rather pretending to study while being absorbed in devising a Slytherin-worthy, cunning plan.) Someone cleared their throat just over his head and he looked up in surprise. The Girl was looking down at him and she obviously wasn't happy about it.

"Hi," he said a bit uncertainly and she rolled her eyes.

"Look, can I borrow _Magic in the Ancient Greece and Rome_ for a moment? You've got the only copy and I need to check something."

"Sure," he was on the point of giving it to her when he had a stroke of inspiration. "Um, give me five minutes and I'll be done, okay?"

She nodded without enthusiasm and returned to her table. Regulus snatched a piece of parchment and a quill and started writing. He got stuck for a moment after the first sentence but finally came up with the following message:

_Yes, I am a Slytherin and yes, I've been brought up to believe in the superiority of pure-bloods. But that doesn't mean I want to kill you. In fact, I'd like to meet with you. Give me a chance. Saturday, 7 pm, seventh floor, opposite the tapestry with Barnabas the Barmy._

He was quite pleased with the result and put the letter between the covers of the book. Then he sauntered over to The Girl's table and gave her the heavy volume. She eyed them both suspiciously but thanked him and went back to her work. He wanted to see her reaction to the note and was afraid she would hex him if he watched her openly, so he hid in the nearest row, took out a few books from their shelf and peered through the opening. She was scanning the letter now and he thought he saw a trace of surprise on her face. She turned quickly and looked at his table, then started looking around the room. She was definitely annoyed now and crumpled the note in her hand.

"Hey, R.A.B., what are you doing?"

Regulus jumped up in surprise and smacked his head on one of the higher shelves.

"Nothing, Charlie," he said innocently, rubbing the sore place. "I mean, I'm looking for a book."

"Oh, right, a book, yeah, we're in the library, yeah. Wow, I'm so dumb sometimes," the chubby boy babbled nervously. Regulus sighed. The problem with Charlie Whitmore, a fellow fifth-year, was that he was basically a doormat. Regulus was one of the few people who did not bully him so the boy stuck to him like Velcro, but still wasn't completely at ease around him.

"It's okay, Charlie," he assured him and stole a glance at The Girl. She was working once again and the note was nowhere to be seen.

"Oh, okay. Um, Parker wants to see you, now." Jonathan Parker was the captain of the Slytherin Quidditch team, an obnoxious fellow and a bully, so it was no wonder that Charlie's teeth chattered at the mention of him.

"What, again? We finished practice two hours ago!" Regulus looked at Charlie incredulously.

"It's not my fault!" Charlie protested in a high-pitched moan. "He told me to find you, and then Hanley said that if I didn't, he'd cut my ears off!"

I bet he did, Regulus thought with exasperation. These guys revelled in pushing the weaker ones around.

"You know he didn't really mean that, Charlie?" he asked the boy in a soothing voice, trying to calm him.

"Oh, right, because Johnny turned into a toad of his own accord?" Charlie sniffed and wiped his nose with his sleeve.

Regulus sighed again.

"Well, we'd better get going," he said and went to get his things, Charlie following him like a dog. Regulus tried not to look in The Girl's direction but could not help darting a glance at her on his way out of the library. This time, _she_ was watching _him_ and appeared flustered at being caught. Was his plan working then?

The next day he decided not to go to the library. He had trouble concentrating there lately and his Potions homework was getting the worst of it. Besides, he was a bit worried that The Girl might hex him for breathing down her neck again. He had made his move and although he wasn't exactly turned down, he still wasn't sure if she was warming up to him. Saturday would show; for now it was better not to push his luck.

Unfortunately, Slytherin common room was not the best place for studying: it was noisy and people were constantly interrupting him. "What are you doing, R.A.B.?" "Hey, did you know that somebody hexed Snape so that he couldn't stop singing _You are my sunshine_? He went mental!" "Can I borrow your textbook? I need to hit Jake over the head with something heavy. Thanks." "Stop nerding, Black! You'll turn into a Ravenclaw!"

An hour passed and he didn't make much progress. It was hopeless, he had to find another place to study. And then it hit him. The Room of Requirement! Of course! He had been planning to use it as a safe place to meet with The Girl on Saturday, but who said he couldn't go there to finish his homework?

The corridors of the castle seemed especially calm and peaceful after the ruckus in the common room, and Regulus made his way up to the seventh floor enjoying the quiet. When he finally reached the right corridor, he walked three times past the blank wall, thinking: _I need a place to study._

A door popped into existence and he opened it cautiously. He wasn't sure what to expect. What if the Room assumed he wanted to study something involving monsters and produced a dozen to meet the demand? But fortunately the Room seemed to understand what he had in mind. It turned into a small room with only a table, a chair, a lamp and a bookcase. Perfect! There was nothing to distract him and he was sure he would be done in less than an hour.

He didn't expect to be interrupted ten minutes later. And he definitely didn't expect to be interrupted by _her_.

**A/N: I hope it **_**is**_** a cliffhanger ;) The next chapter is almost ready and will be up soon. **


	3. Breaking the Ice

**A/N: This chapter was a tricky one to write - it's the first real conversation between Regulus and The Girl, and he has to use all of his persuasion skills. I hope you'll find it convincing. Enjoy and review ;)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.**

One of the Reasons

3. Breaking the Ice

"What the–?"

He jumped up and gaped at The Girl. What was she doing here?

"What are you doing here?" she demanded before he could ask her the same question.

"I came here to study because I didn't want to annoy you." He was so surprised he just blurted out the truth. "And you?"

"And I came here to study because I wanted to make sure you didn't have a chance to annoy me," she replied. "Okay, Fate, you win."

"So you think it's Fate?" he raised his eyebrows questioningly. She didn't seem to be the type to believe in superstitions and destiny.

"Oh, you're right, it could be a freaky coincidence," she retorted. "Either way, I see I can go to the library after all. Great."

She turned on her heel and marched out of the room. He went after her and stopped her in the corridor.

"Wait, you can stay here, if you want to," he told her.

"I don't," she replied, shrugging him off. Regulus cursed silently. This conversation didn't go any better than the previous ones. Maybe it was a sign he should throw in the towel and stop trying? But he wasn't ready to quit yet and decided to "give her another chance to change her mind".

"What about Saturday?" he called after her. "Will you come?"

She stopped, turned around slowly and looked at him hard.

"What do you want?" she asked.

"Nothing," he replied truthfully. "Just to talk. To get to know you better."

"Why?" she tried to sound unconcerned but she couldn't quite hide her curiosity.

"I don't know. There's something about you. And I guess that's what people do when they like someone."

"Oh, so it's a date now, is it?"

"Call it what you want," he shrugged, "just come."

"Why would I?"

"Why wouldn't you?"

"Oh, I don't know," she mocked, "maybe because you're a Slytherin and can't be trusted?"

Regulus almost sighed with relief. Her biggest objection was that he was a Slytherin, not that he was creepy, stupid or ugly. That was something.

"Look, if it was only a joke or a trap, I wouldn't be making such a fool of myself, would I? The notes and everything, it all took a lot of courage, you know?"

For the first time she seemed to hesitate.

"You never know with Slytherins," she said finally, though there was less conviction in her voice now.

"Yeah, I already know you're prejudiced against us. And they say Hufflepuffs always see the good in people," he joked and she smiled involuntarily.

"Well, you Slytherins don't really give us a reason to do so," she replied.

"Well, we would, if you Hufflepuffs would give us a chance to do it," he countered.

She laughed for the first time.

"You've got a point there. So, you think I should set a good example for my house?" she asked.

"That would be nice," he smiled in return and suddenly he felt they clicked. Just like that. There was no earthquake, no bangs, no sparks, though all of these things would be appropriate in this situation.

"Okay, but under one condition." There was a twinkle in her eyes, but her voice was almost business-like. "If I regret this, I'll make sure you regret this too. Deal?"

"Seems fair. Deal." They shook hands.

"See you on Saturday, then," she said. "Oh, and good luck in the match."

Regulus almost smacked his forehead. He totally forgot about the match!

"If we win, we'll be celebrating and I may not be able to get away…" he muttered almost to himself.

"Then I'll keep my fingers crossed for Ravenclaw," she winked at him and left. Regulus watched her go and then quickly looked around to make sure there were no witnesses to this encounter. After all, he had exhibited unsuitable behaviour for a pure-blood Slytherin, hadn't he? But then, he was in such high spirits that he was more than ready to confront his mates about…

"Damn, I still don't know her name!"


	4. Do Opposites Attract?

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews! And now enjoy and review the next chapter of the adventures of Regulus the Adorable and The Girl With No Name ;) **

**(And yes, this story is still supposed to be dramatic, and it will be later on.)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.**

One of the Reasons

4. Do Opposites Attract?

Saturday morning dawned bright and sunny. The frosted grass on the Quidditch pitch crunched under Regulus' feet when he walked out onto it to the deafening roars of the crowd. It was impossible to see her in the colourful mass of students, all holding banners and scarves, and he realized he was glad of it. He hadn't slept well that night because for the first time ever he was considering losing the match on purpose and the fact that this thought had even crossed his mind made him feel like a traitor. He wasn't supposed to put his personal affairs before his team and his House.

But he needn't have worried. When he finally saw the Snitch after two hours of flying in the cold wind, he reacted instinctively. Slytherin won two hundred and sixty to ninety.

There was the usual rowdy party in the Slytherin common room, but fortunately by seven o'clock everybody was much more interested in having a good time than in the heroes of the day and Regulus could slip out unnoticed. (Luckily, Charlie was not around, having been sent by the others for more supplies from the kitchen.)

Regulus rushed up the seven flights of stairs and skidded to a halt in the corridor from which the Room of Requirement could be entered. The Girl was sitting on the floor with her back propped up against the wall, reading a book.

"I see you've managed to get away," she said when she noticed him, and got up.

"Yeah, it was easier than I expected," he grinned. He was really excited and relieved that he managed to both win the match and meet her. Everything seemed better and nicer all at once.

"Well, I didn't know if you'd make it, so I brought a book. And I didn't really dress up," she remarked in a remarkably straightforward way, "because my friends would have noticed and started asking questions. And I could hardly tell them I was going to meet a Slytherin, they would probably freak out and chain me to the wall or something."

Regulus laughed, admiring her directness and self-confidence.

"So, nobody knows I'm here," she continued seriously. "But I have my wand and if you try any funny stuff, I'll kick your ass."

"Thanks for warning me," he replied, eyeing her apprehensively. She wasn't joking.

"So, I guess you didn't tell _your_ friends about this, either, did you?"

"I didn't," he answered and it reminded him of the safety measures they should be taking. "Let's go inside, shall we?"

He walked three times before the blank stretch of the wall, thinking of a place to talk, and a door appeared out of nowhere.

"I wonder what you asked the Room to turn into."

"I've never tried that one before. Let's see."

They found themselves in a cosy little room with a fireplace, two armchairs and a table with a pot of hot tea and two saucers on it.

"That is the Room's idea of a place to talk," he explained.

"Looks perfect for a therapy session," she remarked, looking around.

"What–?"

"Never mind. Although you should hang out more with Muggles and Muggle-borns. It broadens your horizons." She gave him a challenging look and slipped into one of the armchairs.

Regulus smiled politely and didn't comment. He felt he should avoid this particular subject, at least for now.

"So… I know it may sound stupid but, umm, I don't really know your name," he said, blushing slightly. It really did sound stupid.

She snickered and looked at him in disbelief.

"Really? Wow, I thought it was the easiest thing to find out about a person."

"Well, I can hardly ask my friends, 'Hey, do you know this _Hufflepuff_ girl? What's her name?', can I?" he replied defensively.

"How should I know? I'm not a badass Slytherin like you." Her voice was heavy with sarcasm.

Regulus drew back a little. Why was she so mean? She seemed quite friendly a few days ago, she agreed to meet him and now… Did she come here just to insult him? To provoke him? Why would she?

"Oh, stop looking like a sad puppy, Black. Look, why should I be nice, when I still don't know what it's all about?"

And that was when he finally snapped.

"For the last time, it's nothing fishy, I don't have an evil plan to murder you, and if you don't believe me, why the hell are you even here?"

She seemed amused by his outburst but didn't snub him this time.

"I believe you now," she said simply. "So, you want an official introduction? Well, my name is Holly Harper, I'm a fourth-year, I live with my parents in Whitehaven and we support the Wigtown Wanderers. What else… Oh, I like chocolate and hate Brussels sprouts. And people think I'm a little crazy, because I enjoy History of Magic. But before you ship me off to St. Mungo's I would like to point out that I enjoy the subject, not the lessons."

"Yeah, that is a bit unusual," he answered solemnly, trying to suppress a laugh. "But then, my friend Charlie loves Divination and supports the Chudley Cannons, so I'm used to crazy people."

"Oh, and which team do you support, _Mr Sane_?"

"The Wimbourne Wasps," he replied proudly.

"Another major difference! You know, I'm not sure we can pull this thing off."

"Opposites attract," he reminded her.

"And then they collide," she added cynically.

"Every rule has an exception," he continued stubbornly.

"Which means that not all opposites attract," she countered.

"Will you stop it? Can't we just give it a try and see where it goes?" he exclaimed desperately.

They looked at each other in silence for a while.

"Pour the tea," she said decidedly after a pause.

They started talking about less controversial topics, like books, music, favourite food, places they would like to visit, etc. And although all references to the world of Muggles were lost on Regulus and Holly frequently exclaimed in exasperation ("Oh, come on, Tolkien is a classic!"), they quite enjoyed it. In fact, they enjoyed it so much that they missed the curfew and had to sneak back to their common rooms through the empty corridors of the castle. When they reached the Entrance Hall, Regulus stopped awkwardly, thinking of the best way to end the evening, but once again Holly took matters into her own hands.

"That was quite fun. But you're missing out on some seriously good stuff, you really should read some Muggle books."

"I'll think about it," he replied diplomatically. "So… umm, shall we do this again sometime?"

"Next Saturday, same time, same place?" she answered with a question. "I'll bring some biscuits."

He nodded, grinning like an idiot, and was still smiling when he went to bed three hours later.


	5. School, Quidditch, and Oscar Wilde

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews and story alerts, ****they mean a lot to me and keep me motivated ;) I'm afraid there are no sudden twists and turns in this story and no cliffhangers but I hope it's still interesting for you. Reviews are more than welcome :)**

One of the Reasons

5. School, Quidditch, and Oscar Wilde

The following week Regulus Arcturus Black did not grace the library with his presence. He felt it would be weird to sit there and pretend Holly was a stranger unworthy of his attention. (Not to mention that he probably wouldn't be able to pull it off anyway.)

But he couldn't avoid passing her in the corridors or in the Great Hall, and in these situations it was even more important that he ignore her. Sure, it felt odd, but his self-preservation instinct told him it was for the best. There was too much to lose. His parents would go nuts and disown him (he still shuddered when he remembered the terrible row from the previous summer when Sirius had ran away from home), other Slytherins would probably chuck him out of his dormitory and treat him like a Mudblood (which was definitely _not_ an inviting prospect), and he couldn't join the other side because he hadn't really changed his mind about the whole issue. Holly could be an exception… or she could be wrong about the whole "Muggles are great" thing. He wasn't going to change his beliefs on a whim. Besides, Dumbledore and co. would always think he was a spy for the Dark Lord and nobody would ever trust him again. No, things had to stay the way they were. And if that meant he had to ignore her in public… Well, it wasn't such a high price. He could handle it.

The result of this lack of interaction during the whole week was that he was really looking forward to seeing her on Saturday. He arrived at the corridor a couple of minutes before seven o'clock and waited impatiently for her. She was late. Why was she late? Maybe she wasn't coming? Maybe she was just being polite when she agreed to meet him again? Maybe she really didn't want to come? By the time she finally appeared around the corner, he had almost convinced himself she hated him and didn't want to see him ever again.

"Sorry I'm late," she said, hurrying towards him. "It's really difficult to escape from one's friends."

Regulus nodded, knowing exactly what she meant. He had to get rid of Charlie.

"Shall we?" He motioned toward the wall where the door to the Room was concealed.

"Wait. I've been thinking– Well, I guess other people could come here looking for a place to talk and we don't want that, do we? So… I'm not an expert on this but we could try to, sort of, customize it."

"And how exactly–?"

"Let me try something." She walked three times past the wall and when the door appeared, she grabbed the handle and pulled it open. "Come on."

The room looked very similar to the one from previous Saturday. The only differences were a big grandfather clock in a corner and a bookcase against the wall.

"Hah, I guess we won't miss the curfew this time," she remarked and they both laughed.

"So, do you think it worked?" he asked her, looking around.

"I don't know. I guess we have to wait for somebody to try to get in to find out. But I told the Room that 'Holly and Regulus need a place to talk' so I think we should be safe."

Regulus gaped at her. It was so simple, yet so ingenious at the same time. Why didn't he think of it?

Meanwhile, Holly ambled towards the bookcase.

"'The Complete Works of Shakespeare', Jane Austen, Hemingway, Dickens, London, Virginia Woolf, Cooper, Tolkien, Walter Scott, J.B. Priestley… Nice. You know, you could borrow something, I'm sure the Room won't mind."

"Yeah, well, maybe," he said quickly. "So, what about those biscuits?"

And so they sat down, drank tea, ate biscuits and talked a little about school, which is, unsurprisingly, one of the most popular topics of conversation among young people. After agreeing that McGonagall was really strict, they quickly moved on to funny anecdotes and other memorable stories.

"And I fell asleep in the middle of Astronomy, and Charlie poked me in the ribs, and I jumped up in surprise and hit my head on the telescope. Professor Sinistra was not amused."

"Well, I was once a little too enthusiastic in Charms and demolished half the classroom. Professor Flitwick still calls me Miss Harper, the Destroyer."

"I ate a frog for a bet in third year. It wasn't pretty."

"I can imagine. Oh, and once, o horrors, I asked Professor Binns a question in class."

"Really? What was it?"

"Well, we were– I mean, he was talking about the goblin rebellion of 1624 and that there were different accounts of it, and I asked couldn't we analyze these documents and find the differences and then try to find the reasons for them? It would be much more interesting and people would actually learn something."

"You told him that last part?" Regulus asked incredulously.

"I did," she replied and then added hastily, "but more politely, of course."

"And what did he say?"

"He gave me detention," she said bitterly. "I mean, sure, you shouldn't really tell your teachers that they suck at what they're doing but it was a constructive criticism. Heck, it wasn't even a criticism! I was just suggesting something that would be both fun and useful."

"He probably didn't see it that way."

"Obviously. I even considered going to Dumbledore with this plan for making History of Magic more sufferable but I guess he has more important things on his mind right now," she gave him a significant look, which he ignored. He was determined not to get dragged into an argument about anything involving the Dark Lord.

"So, are you going to the Quidditch World Cup this summer?" he quickly changed the topic.

"Oh, I wish. But my parents can't go and they won't let me go alone to Brazil."

"Yeah, I have the same problem. I guess we'll just have to wait for the World Cup to take place in Britain," he smiled.

"By the time that happens, if it ever does, we'll probably be old and wrinkly."

"So what? Don't tell me it will stop you from going there? We may be eighty, son," he began in a wheezy voice, "but we're gonna show you young buggers how to have fun!"

"And that's when all the kids will run away screaming," she laughed. "Okay, I promise to be there, even if I look like an ancient turtle and think that my wand is a toothpick."

There was a pause.

"Okay, I just imagined that," he snorted. "Now I'll be scarred for life."

"Hey!" She threw one of the books at him and he quickly ducked.

"So that's how you treat your beloved Muggle literature?" He picked the book up and almost involuntarily glanced at the cover. "'The Picture of Dorian Gray'?"

Holly sat up suddenly.

"You know, it's not a bad idea. You can start with that."

"But–" he tried to protest. In vain.

"Oh, come on, Black," she interrupted him impatiently. "You wanted me to give this whole thing a shot and I did, so now it's your turn. Just take this book and read it. You don't have to like it or anything."

"But if somebody finds it in my dormitory–"

"Then bewitch the cover, w_izard boy_!"

They looked at each other in silence for a while. Finally, Regulus sighed with resignation.

"Why do you care so much about this?"

"Well, we can't talk only about school and Quidditch, can we? I'm making sure we don't run out of topics," she joked but her eyes were serious. The book in Regulus' hand suddenly felt much heavier.


	6. Of Blacks and Hate

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews, they're really appreciated ;) A small spoiler alert: there is some long-awaited (I hope!) drama in this chapter. Enjoy and review!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or **_**The Picture of Dorian Gray**_**.**

One of the Reasons

6. Of Blacks and Hate

He didn't even open the book till late Thursday evening, mainly because he had homework, Quidditch practices, more homework (after all, his OWLs were only a couple of months away), and he really didn't have the time – and stomach – to read yet another book. Besides, he was a little bit worried that he might actually like this story and this would mean that at least one Muggle was kind of OK. And well, he was a Black, and Blacks were too proud to admit they were mistaken.

But on Thursday night, when he had a couple of hours to spare before Astronomy, he reluctantly took the book from under his bed. He had to at least try reading it, it was his part of the bargain. And she would certainly ask him some questions about the story, so he couldn't lie.

He skipped the preface (he hated all introductions in books) and read the first sentence of the first chapter. It was about some flowers and their scents. Boring. Then a description of somebody's living room. Boring as hell. But he read on out of a sense of duty and gradually became more interested. The story was still not really captivating, Dorian Gray was irritating, melodramatic and incomprehensible, and Lord Henry always made long speeches full of bon mots and aphorisms that weren't entirely clear to Regulus, but he had to admit the whole idea of the picture that "grew older" was quite clever. And there was also a fragment that made him stop for a moment and think.

_Ah! realise your youth while you have it… Live! Live the wonderful life that is in you! Let nothing be lost upon you. Be always searching for new sensations. Be afraid of nothing._

Was he doing that? He wasn't sure. He was so busy studying and playing Quidditch that he never really thought about it. But then, he had only two years of school left and after that he would be free to do whatever he wanted and to "live the wonderful life". He had time. Surely his life would not end at 18!

"Um, R.A.B., Astronomy starts in ten minutes."

"What? Oh, right. Thanks, Charlie. Yeah, I'll be right there."

There was still a couple of chapters left so he got up earlier on Saturday and finished the story before practice. He had mixed feelings about it and was not really looking forward to having to express them. But on his way up to the Room, something happened that made him forget all about this problem.

He was just turning the corner on the fifth floor when he collided with somebody and almost got a tooth knocked out. He was already running late so he quickly started to apologize, but then he felt the tip of a wand on his neck.

"Well, and what do we have here?" James Potter drawled with a dangerous smile.

"Don't bother, Prongs. My little brother is not worth the trouble." Sirius' gaze was so cold and disdainful, it hurt. Regulus couldn't help but remember the times when they were young enough not to care about blood, when they didn't know yet that they would go in opposite directions. They were so close back then, two little boys that played together, laughed together and pulled pranks on their parents. And now Sirius was on the other side of the barricade and treated his own brother like dirt.

Potter shrugged his shoulders and let go but he wasn't finished with Regulus.

"You haven't even drawn your wand, it's pathetic," he smirked at him.

"Because I don't want to fight you," Regulus finally found his voice.

"Of course you don't," Potter snorted and Regulus felt his teeth clench.

"Come on, Prongs." Sirius passed him, looking away pointedly. James rolled his eyes but followed his friend.

Regulus stood rooted to the spot. Being treated like that by his own brother was hard. It would have been easier if he hated Sirius, and his parents and friends all thought he did. But all he could feel when thinking about "the other Black" was regret…

When he entered the Room of Requirement, Holly was already there (they had agreed to meet inside for security reasons).

"You know, this Room is just plain awesome! Look what I've found," she said when she saw him and pointed to an antique-looking gramophone. "There are some vinyl records, too. Elvis Presley, The Beatles– What's the matter? Did something happen?"

Regulus shook his head slowly.

"It's nothing. I just met my brother and, you know…" he sighed.

"Ouch," she said sympathetically. "Did you two fight?"

"No, apparently I'm not worth it. He wouldn't even let Potter hex me! It's just–" he stopped and then made a decision and plunged on. "Look, I can't tell anyone about this because they wouldn't understand. I shouldn't think like that, I'm supposed to hate him but–"

"But you can't," she finished for him and he nodded.

"What's wrong with me?" he asked desperately.

"I'm afraid you're a good person," she replied with sarcasm.

"What?"

"Well, if you don't want to kill him for this, then I guess it makes you almost a saint. No, but seriously, I think it means that deep down you're really kind-hearted. And it's easy to guess why you're hiding it." She was looking at him with sympathy.

"I'm not hiding anything," he protested weakly.

"You've just said you couldn't tell anyone about this," she reminded him. "You have to face it: you're not a cold-blooded monster like your beloved master."

Regulus blinked. He didn't like the direction the conversation was taking.

"So, anything interesting in there?" he pointed to the box with the records. She crossed her arms and stared beadily at him, obviously unhappy with the change of topic. "Holly, I don't want to talk about this, okay?"

"You know we'll _have_ to talk about this sooner or later, don't you?"

"Why is it so important to you?" he exclaimed in exasperation.

"Because I don't want you to become a Death Eater. You see, I'm not a saint and I hate Voldemort and his followers. And I don't want to hate you." She stood up abruptly. "If you're not okay with that, don't come next week."

She left, leaving him pondering on her words.


	7. Playing for Both Teams

**A/N: Although I had this story all planned out, my characters see****m to want to change it a bit. I'm not sure if that's a good thing ;) Anyway, I hope I'm not going to mess this up. Enjoy and review!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.**

One of the Reasons

7. Playing for Both Teams

When Regulus returned to the Slytherin common room, everything was pretty much as usual. The sixth- and seventh-years were lounging in the best armchairs and everybody else was sitting around, trying not to annoy them. The younger ones were supposed to be silent and servile, and none of them was stupid enough to try and change that.

Regulus walked up to his class-mates, Charlie, Peter Boyle and Tyler Anderson, who were sitting in a corner.

"Hey, guys," he said, slipping into a chair between Charlie and Peter.

"Where have you been?" Charlie asked.

"Oh, you know. Just out and about," Regulus smiled uneasily.

Charlie didn't look entirely convinced but Regulus knew he wouldn't press the issue.

"Hey, have you heard? There was a railway disaster near Birmingham. Our doing, of course. All right, Ty, the Death Eaters' doing. Same difference. Anyway, almost thirty Muggles were killed. Cool, eh?" Regulus was shocked to see enthusiasm on Peter's face. He shook his head slowly. What was so cool about people getting killed?

Fortunately, he was spared the need to answer because at that moment someone called him.

"Oi, Black!" Jonathan Parker was beckoning to him across the room. Regulus excused himself and made his way over to where the Slytherin Quidditch captain was sitting.

"I've booked the pitch for Tuesday evening," he announced.

"But I thought you scheduled the next practice for Wednesday?" Regulus frowned.

"Yeah, but you need extra practice, Black. Your feints are pathetic," Parker sneered and his friends laughed loudly. This was such a typical Slytherin behaviour. Bossing people around and making fun of them in public so as to appear cool and important.

"Sure," he managed a fake smile and returned to his table.

As it turned out, the additional, individual practice was a blessing. Parker went back to the castle after half an hour, telling Regulus to keep on practising, and he was left alone for the first time since Saturday. There was nobody else on the pitch or in the stands and he thoroughly enjoyed the peace and quiet. Sometimes he needed to be alone, especially when he had something on his mind, and he certainly had something to mull over now.

He flew around in the cold evening air, diving and feinting and all the time thinking about what she had said. He liked her, they had fun together, but she was asking too much of him. He couldn't just betray his family and friends and his own personal beliefs for someone he barely knew. For someone who wasn't that important to him. She was just a fellow student at Hogwarts, a nice girl, but nothing more. Right?

Oh, why didn't he listen to the reasonable voice in his head that told him not to get involved with her? He knew deep inside that it was a bad idea but he went through with it. And now what? Did she expect him to make a life-changing decision just so that they could meet and talk about books? Wow, this was all kinds of silly. What was he thinking?

But fortunately there was a way out, and an easy one at that. He would not go to the Room on Saturday and it will be over. Just like that. No explanations, no arguments… Yes, it wasn't too late yet to listen to the voice of reason.

Frankly, he was a little afraid that he might change his mind during the course of the week, but he needn't have worried. On Saturday he was still convinced that it was the right decision. And it wasn't even that difficult to stay in the Slytherin common room. At quarter past seven he breathed a sigh of relief. He did it. It was over.

The following week he didn't see much of her and besides he was too busy to think about it. And he was really looking forward to the trip to Hogsmeade which was scheduled for Saturday.

It was a cold but sunny day and the sparkling snow crunched nicely under his feet when he walked through the grounds with Charlie and his other class-mates. Once in Hogsmeade, they made their way to the Three Broomsticks and each enjoyed a bottle of butterbear. After an hour so, Regulus, Charlie and Peter decided to visit Dervish & Bangs, the shop with magical equipment located near the end of High Street. The street was unusually empty, probably because of the cold. But suddenly a solitary figure turned the corner and almost bumped into them. She was heavily muffled but Regulus recognized Holly instantly. Charlie and Peter, however, recognized only her Hufflepuff scarf. She passed them without saying anything and that was too much for Boyle.

"Hey, you! Don't you know you should bow to us, you scum?" he called after her. She whipped around instantly and shot a spell at him. Flames appeared on Peter's sleeve.

"You bitch!" he yelled enraged. "Tarantallegra!"

Holly ducked the spell but raised her own wand in a flash and stunned Peter like an expert dueller. Charlie was watching the whole scene with his mouth open and wasn't therefore much of a threat but the loud bangs were bound to attract somebody's attention. And once again, just like in Quidditch, Regulus reacted instinctively. He took two steps back, stunned Charlie from behind (which was a despicable and cowardly thing to do but he didn't have time to think about it just then), then grabbed Holly by the wrist and almost dragged her in the other direction, away from the centre of Hogsmeade. He could hear voices behind them and he ran like mad, gripping her hand tightly. Fortunately, she didn't resist and they raced down the lane, their cloaks billowing behind them. At the first possible moment they turned left, slid down a slope, found a crack at the foot of the mountain and slipped into it. They collapsed on the stone floor of the cave, breathing hard and straining their ears to hear the sounds of pursuit. There were none. Yet.

After a few minutes Holly got up and brushed herself off.

"Well, thanks, I guess," she said a little awkwardly.

"I think we should stay here a little longer. They could be looking for you now," he said worriedly, and then added a little reproachfully, "You shouldn't walk around Hogsmeade on your own."

"Is this a threat or a piece of advice?" she asked with a frown.

Regulus looked at her uncomprehendingly.

"Look, you've got to choose, Black. You can't eat your cake and have it too. When you didn't come last week, I though it meant you had made a decision. So why the hell are you helping me now?" She spoke quietly but there was unmistakable anger in her voice.

"I– It's complicated."

"I can see that." She turned on her heel and marched to the exit of the cave.

"Holly, wait!" he called after her, and when she glanced back, he asked despondently, "What do you want me to do?"

"I just don't want you to be my friend now and then one day say: 'Oh, sorry, I'm joining Death Eaters' and kill all my family and friends and other innocent people who have the misfortune of being Muggles," she replied impatiently.

"And how do you know I will?" he asked a little defensively.

"Oh, come on, Black. I saw you back there. You cursed your friend from behind because you didn't want him to see it was you who attacked him. You helped me but nobody will know about it and you will still be a good Slytherin from their point of view. You're so scared of them that you'll do whatever they want you to do."

"That's not– entirely true," he protested feebly.

"Isn't it? So why don't you stand up to them? Your brother did."

"So what?" Regulus snapped angrily. "I'm not my brother!"

"OK, why are we even having this conversation?" she asked suddenly. "Let's just forget about it and go back to the blissful times when we didn't know each other. Just don't stare at me when we're in the library, will you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it's pointless to drag this on, don't you think? Meeting in secret just to have a row about our different principles is a bit pathetic and, frankly, a waste of time."

"Well–"

"Look, you're a nice guy but you can't play for both teams forever, Regulus." It was the first time she used his name. "And sooner or later you'll have to choose which side you're on. And I'm sorry but it seems you don't have the guts to ditch Voldemort."

"No, it's not like that," he tried to defend himself. "I _do_ believe in the inferiority of Muggles–"

He stopped dead, realizing what he had said and how it had sounded.

"Well, that's even worse," she said simply and slipped out of the cave.

**A/N: It seems there's finally a bit of drama in this story… Or is it just wishful thinking on my part? **


	8. Heart vs Brain

**A/N: Thanks for reviewing, keep it up****! ;)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or "The Picture of Dorian Gray".**

One of the Reasons

8. Heart vs. Brain

"You got your asses kicked by a _girl_?" Tyler was gaping at them in disbelief.

"No, we didn't!" Peter protested indignantly. "She wasn't alone. There were at least three or four more, right, Reg?"

"Um, yeah… Yeah, definitely."

"See? She was just a bait! It was an ambush! We were outnumbered!" Peter continued hotly. "We fought as if our lives depended on it – because they did, obviously – but, as I said, we were outnumbered. Charlie went down first, of course–"

"Um, actually–" Charlie tried to object but he was instantly quelled by Peter's murderous look.

"Charlie went down first, and then Reg couldn't for some reason cover my back so they stunned me eventually but not before I got two of them." Peter's chest swelled with pride.

"That's funny because we didn't see anybody else when we got there," Tyler remarked innocently, winking at the other two.

"Well, the others probably revived them and they all got away." Peter shrugged his shoulders as if it was obvious. "Ask Reg, he was the one who followed them."

Regulus was once again caught off-guard.

"Um… sure."

"So you didn't see who it was?" Tyler asked.

"No, she was all wrapped up and everything– I mean, _they_ were," Peter corrected himself swiftly. "Oh, but they had Hufflepuff scarves."

"I can't believe a bunch of Hufflepuffs would attack you," Tyler scoffed.

This gave Regulus an idea how to protect Holly.

"Maybe they weren't really Hufflepuffs? I mean, they could have dressed up so that we would think they were Hufflepuffs," he suggested.

"Yeah. Yeah, that's it," Peter agreed quickly. "I remember thinking they stank of Gryffindor."

Tyler raised one eyebrow sceptically.

"Yeah, right. 'Night, _heroes_." He turned his back on them and went to sleep.

Regulus sighed with relief and quickly closed the curtains around his bed. He desperately needed peace and quiet to think.

What was wrong with him? Hadn't he decided he would just forget about her? So why did he stun Charlie to help her? Merlin, this was crazy. Was his subconsciousness trying to tell him something? What was that quote in "The Picture of Dorian Gray"? _But we never get back our youth… We degenerate into hideous puppets, haunted by the memory of the passions of which we were too much afraid, and the exquisite temptations that we had not the courage to yield to._ Would the memory of this haunt him? Maybe he shouldn't give up yet? Maybe there was a way to make it work? But would she agree? He _really_ needed to talk to her.

He was halfway out of the dormitory before he realized he would have to wait till morning. But the next day he had Quidditch practice before lunch, and then he couldn't get away from the common room because Charlie needed help with his homework and Regulus still felt a bit guilty about hexing him. Besides, he couldn't think of any reason for leaving that wouldn't be suspicious.

On Monday evening, though, he finally got lucky. The library was nearly deserted, probably because it was Valentine's Day and all the couples were celebrating it in more romantic places, while single girls cried their eyes out in bathrooms or over cartons of ice cream (at least, that was what Tyler said they did). But apparently Holly wasn't one of them and chose the library instead.

Regulus observed her from behind one of the bookshelves (and yes, he was aware that it was creepy and stalkerish) and when she went to look for a book in the row next to his, he quickly sneaked there behind her. Taking a deep breath, he tapped her on the shoulder.

"Yeah?" she muttered, not looking around, so he cleared his throat. She glanced at him and then rolled her eyes. "Okay, seriously? You need to get a life, Black."

"I just want to talk."

"Boys don't usually want to talk," she remarked, still scanning the shelves.

"Okay, so maybe I'm a freak, I don't care," he replied hotly. He was determined not to get sidetracked. "Can we talk?"

"Look, Black, I've already told you it was pointless. Why don't you give it a rest?"

And then Regulus remembered that according to Tyler, there was a foolproof way to distract a girl and make her forget what she was talking about. And he would know, he had had more girlfriends than anybody Regulus knew.

So he took a deep breath and then kissed her fleetingly. It did silence her for a couple of seconds but he was so stunned by his own boldness that he didn't seize the opportunity.

"What the–" she looked at him incredulously. "What was that about?"

"I'm not sure," he replied dazedly. The weird, warm feeling in his chest was _very_ distracting.

"Okay, now I'm officially creeped out. Can I go now?"

"No, wait," he finally pulled himself together. "I wanted to say that we can make this work. That I want to make it work. But I can't do this openly. I'll just lie low and not let anybody know I'm not on their side and when I'm out of Hogwarts, it'll be easier, there won't be anybody breathing down my neck and expecting me to behave this way or that way."

"That's all very well, Black," she sighed, "but life after Hogwarts is not really my biggest concern now, we're not getting married or anything like that. I'd like to know what is your plan for the next two and a half years when you're still here. Meeting once a week in the Room of Requirement to hang out for two hours and then pretend in public that we despise each other? What's the point?"

"Well, I thought we were having fun and that all this pretending and waiting was worth it," he replied with a frown. Did it mean she wasn't enjoying herself after all, or what? Merlin, girls were _so_ incomprehensible sometimes!

"We were but–" A girl was coming down the row and they quickly turned to the shelves, pretending to look for books. When the person found what she needed and returned to her table, Holly continued, not looking at him. "Look, I'm a realist, I'm not like Romeo and Juliet, I can't just forget about everything else. I don't– I don't jump without looking, you know? I'm not spontaneous, I'm not passionate–"

Regulus shook his head disbelievingly. That fight with Peter was pretty temperamental.

"Let's just say I'm practical and this arrangement doesn't work for me," she concluded in a very formal voice and turned to go. Regulus acted before his brain had even formulated the thought: he pulled her close and kissed her again. Butterflies erupted in his stomach.

"Okay, it seems you're really… determined to convince me," she said after a pause, during which her face was growing more and more pink. "But if it's so important to you, why won't you just tell everybody who you really are?"

Regulus rubbed his brow wearily.

"It's not so easy. I have to protect my family, the Dark Lord could hurt them. To have brought up two traitors? That's not something to be proud of. And, well, I wouldn't belong anywhere. I would lose all my friends and who else would trust me? I would be an outsider with a price on my head. I'm not Sirius, I'm not a Gryffindor, I'm not brave enough to do this." He paused. "But you're the only person I can really talk to. See, I've just told you things I haven't told anybody else. And I don't want to lose that."

She bit her lip, sighed, and was on the point of saying something, when they heard a voice.

"Holly, where are you? Did you get lost back there?"

"It's Sue, my friend. I have to go," she whispered urgently. "I'll– I'll think about it."

And then she was gone, and Regulus still didn't know where he stood with her.


	9. Carpe Diem

**A/N: This one is kind of short but I didn't want to keep you waiting. Please review!**

One of the Reasons

9. _Carpe Diem_

"Oi, Earth to Black!"

Regulus jumped up in surprise and almost fell off his broom. He looked around and then dropped his gaze. His team-mates were standing on the pitch, snickering.

"I don't know if you've noticed, Black, but we finished practice five minutes ago," Parker informed him sarcastically.

Regulus cursed under his breath. He really needed to stop being so absent-minded. But it would be so much easier if she gave him a straight answer. Even a refusal would be better than this uncertainty. But he knew he couldn't press her anymore. He had to wait for her move now. But how long would that take? It was Friday already. Were four days not enough?

He saw her right after stepping into the Entrance Hall. She was standing by the hourglasses that recorded the house points, apparently looking at the present tally, but then she gave him a swift glance and he knew she was waiting for him. Fortunately, other Slytherins didn't notice her, or didn't care, or were too tired to jinx her. Regulus knelt, pretending to tie his shoe, and waited for them to disappear into the dungeons. They cared _so _much about their Seeker that they didn't even notice he stayed behind. Which of course suited Regulus perfectly.

He approached Holly apprehensively, suddenly afraid of hearing her decision. But they needed to get it over with, so he sighed and asked expectantly:

"So?"

"Well, I guess… _carpe diem_."

Regulus ducked but nothing happened.

"What are you doing?" she asked him with amusement.

"I thought you were hexing me," he replied confusedly.

"No, silly, _carpe diem_ is Latin for 'seize the day'," she laughed, seeing his bewilderment.

"Oh."

There was a pause.

"So… what exactly do you mean by that?" he asked.

She gave a little shrug.

"Who knows what will happen tomorrow. Let's give it a shot."

Regulus smiled so broadly that he could almost feel the corners of his mouth touching his ears.

"That's great!"

She laughed at his childlike enthusiasm.

"So, are we doing something tonight?"

"Sure. Let me think… You said the Room is boring so maybe–" He looked at the broom he was holding in his hand and had a bright idea. "We can go flying!"

"That's great but… maybe we should wait for the spring. It's freezing out there."

Regulus looked around. He felt elated and such a little thing as weather was not going to stop him.

"Who says we have to go outside?"

"That's crazy," she told him. "Let's do it."

"And that's you not being spontaneous, huh?" he asked sarcastically, while mounting his broom.

"Oh, shut up!" She punched him playfully on the shoulder. "It's not a big, life-changing decision, okay?"

"Oh, it could be. If we smash into a wall–"

"Ha, ha, that's funny." She put her arms around his waist. "Okay, I'm ready."

Regulus kicked off gently and they soared up over the marble staircase. Holly cleared her throat.

"Okay, Black, that's not flying, that's crawling. _Carpe diem_, remember?"

"_Carpe diem_," he repeated and sped up.

Navigating the corridors at this speed proved more challenging than he expected but he thoroughly enjoyed it. Things were blurry, the air whizzed by his ears, and everywhere they went, they were followed by agitated voices of people in the portraits. He felt powerful, he felt calm, he felt happy.

After what seemed like ages they finally landed, skidding across the floor of the Entrance Hall. He helped her up and noticed how pretty she looked, windswept, blushing, and with a gleam in her eyes.

"That was amazing," she said appreciatively.

He smiled in response. And then there was the dreaded awkward silence. Regulus fidgeted uncomfortably. It shouldn't be that difficult. He had already kissed her on one occasion, so saying goodbye shouldn't be such a problem now, right?

"So… I'll see you tomorrow?" Holly ventured after a while.

"Yeah, that would be great," he agreed, and then, to his horror, he saw Charlie coming up the stairs from the dungeon. "I have to go."

He brushed past her and walked as nonchalantly as he could towards Charlie.

"Oh, hey, R.A.B., there you are. I was worried. Everybody else came back an hour ago. I thought something happened."

"Relax, Charlie, I just fancied a walk," Regulus remarked brightly, putting an arm around his shoulders and directing him back towards the Slytherin common room. "So, do you need help with anything? Maybe your Charms essay, eh?"

He risked one glance back but she was already gone.


	10. Good Times We Can't Repeat

**A/N: Thanks for taking the time to read and review this story, keep it up ;)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.**

One of the Reasons

10. Good Times We Can't Repeat

That evening and the next day Regulus couldn't stop smiling, joking and thumping people on the back. Everything was just so great! Peter's jokes were funnier than usual, the translation for Ancient Runes was unexpectedly easy, on Saturday the weather was really beautiful… Maybe it was stupid of him, but he really saw the world in brighter colours. The only downside was that he couldn't tell anyone about the source of his happiness, couldn't ask for advice, couldn't advertise the fact that he was dating a great girl. Now he understood why people always said that you couldn't have everything.

But for now he was happy, and "seizing the day" was all about living in the moment.

They didn't agree on the time and place of their meeting but seven o'clock in the Room was the obvious option. Regulus whistled all the way to the seventh floor, thinking about other fun things they could do. As it turned out, Holly already had an idea.

"I never got the chance to play you some of these records, so we're gonna have a music night, okay?"

"Sure," he nodded. After all, everything was fun when they did it together.

Holly rummaged in the box and finally extracted a record.

"Oh, I love this one. It's called 'Let's Twist Again' by Chubby Checker. I know you haven't the foggiest," she added before he could say anything and played the song. Soon he felt his legs twitch involuntarily as if someone had put the Tarantallegra Spell on him.

"Come on, Black," she teased. "Surely even dark and brooding Slytherins like to dance?"

He smiled and started swaying to the music.

"Why do you call me Black?" he asked after a moment.

"Well, Regulus is nice but too pompous for everyday use, I don't like the sound of Reg, and I can't call you Reggie, you're not five years old. So Black it is."

"The thing is– only people who don't know me very well call me that."

"So what do your friends call you?" she asked, twirling around him.

"Well, Peter and Tyler call me Reg, mostly," he hesitated for a moment. "But Charlie calls me R.A.B."

"R.A.B.?" she frowned.

"It's short for Regulus Arcturus Black," he explained, feeling a little foolish. Why couldn't his name be John or David?

"You know," she said after a pause, "I like it."

When the song ended, Holly peered into the box with the records and exclaimed in delight.

"Room, you are the most amazing, er, room I have ever seen! You're gonna love this, Bla– R.A.B. I proudly present "Hit the road Jack" by Ray Charles!"

/\ \/ /\

They started meeting every Saturday once again and they went for walks in the desolated parts of the castle, played Scrabble or hide-and-seek, and generally had fun. Soon they began leaving each other notes in weird places: in the big vase on the second floor or stuck under the windowsill in the Charms classroom. At first they were just about funny things they had seen or heard during the week, but then Holly came up with the idea of rebuses and puzzles. She was quite good at them and Regulus usually spent a lot of time (sometimes during classes) trying to decipher her messages.

They also talked about more important things, though they carefully avoided the subject of Regulus's choice. But Holly was adamant that he needed to see Muggles in a better light, and so she showed him examples of the best authors, musicians, politicians, scientists, and sportsmen of the non-magical world.

At first it was difficult for him to admit some of them were really brave, intelligent or just plain witty people. But after a while he learned to appreciate them. Okay, maybe he would be able to defeat Napoleon in a duel without breaking sweat, or single-handedly win any war thanks to Apparition, Disillusionment Charm and a couple of other jinxes, but still, these people showed great power of mind and other abilities that, if they had magic, would have made them amazing wizards and witches. They did not deserve to be treated like dumb beasts.

"I'm glad you see it this way," Holly said simply when he finally told her what he thought about the whole issue. "It's a pity others don't. Still, Muggles had their own Voldemorts, so I guess they have such problems, too."

"And they weren't exactly nice and tolerant towards magical people in the past," he reminded her, referring to the persecution of witches in the Middle Ages.

"True," she admitted. "That only shows we're not really that different."

Despite these serious and often gloomy conversations, Regulus considered this a happy time. They lived in the moment, had fun, and tried not to think too much about the future.

And the future was dark.


	11. The Toughest Choice of All

**A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing! There are not many chapters left, so hang in there ;)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. **

One of the Reasons

11. The Toughest Choice of All

Things started going bad in the third week of April when one evening Peter and Tyler, with Charlie hovering in the background, cornered Regulus in their dormitory.

"Look, Reg, we know what's going on. Now that you got a girl, you don't have time for us," Tyler began. "Been there, done that. You'll get over it. But the point is we've made a bet and we need to know: is it Claire or Elizabeth?"

Regulus looked at them in utter amazement.

"Neither?" Tyler seemed a little taken aback.

"I don't even have a girlfriend."

"Yeah, right, and I'm a Thestral," Peter snorted.

"But who is it, then? I mean, Claire and Liz are the only pretty _and_ single Slytherins."

Regulus shifted uncomfortably. Why was this conversation even happening?

"Merlin's pants!" Peter exclaimed suddenly. "She's not a Slytherin? Are you out of your bloody mind?"

"Hey, relax, Pete. The most important thing is that she's a pure-blood. She is, right?" Tyler asked almost pleadingly.

"She is," Regulus admitted reluctantly, hoping they would be satisfied with this. They weren't.

"Then why the whole mystery?" Tyler asked.

Regulus realized he was sweating. It didn't feel like a conversation between friends; it was more like an interrogation, maybe because he knew he was "guilty". What was he supposed to say?

"I– I didn't want you to, you know, make fun of me. And, you know, I don't know if it's going to work out and, well, you know," he babbled a little nervously. Peter looked convinced but Tyler was not to be fooled.

"Look, Reg," he began in a low voice, "if she's not the right kind of girl for you, then ditch her. Now. If there are any doubts about where your loyalties lie, they won't let you join them."

"Join who?" Regulus asked, surprised by the turn in the conversation.

"The Gobstone club. No, you idiot, the Death Eaters won't let you join them." Tyler sighed when Regulus looked at him in bewilderment. "Haven't you heard? Every Slytherin over sixteen years old can become a Death Eater this summer. Peter's been prattling about it non-stop for the past couple of weeks."

"Hey!" Peter protested indignantly. "I wasn't prattling! I'm just excited, okay? It's an honour to serve the Dark Lord. I've always wanted to be one of his Death Eaters."

"So have I but I'm not behaving like a girl at Madam Malkin's," Tyler said impatiently and turned his attention back to Regulus. "So, Reg, if that chick of yours is not acceptable, ditch her. I mean it. Don't ruin your life because of her. You won't get another chance if you choose her over the Dark Lord. You'll be the enemy."

Regulus stood rooted to the spot, unable to look away or even say anything. He had never heard Tyler talk in such a serious voice and it was that, more than anything else, that was giving him the creeps.

"And you know what will people think if you don't join the Death Eaters along with everybody else this summer?" Tyler continued. "That you're like your filthy, Muggle-loving brother. You don't want that, Reg, do you?"

Regulus swallowed hard, realizing suddenly that lying low was not an option anymore. Holly was right, he would have to take sides. And everything that was important – his future, his relationships with other people (not only Holly, but his friends and family as well), his _conscience_ – depended on him joining or not joining the Death Eaters. It was bizarre that one decision could have such an impact on his life, and that he would have to make it in a couple of months. But the worst part was that he didn't know what to choose. His heart and his brain were once again at war.

The second blow came two days later in the form of a letter from his parents.

_Dearest Son,_

_We were very sorry you could not come home for Easter, but we are, naturally, encouraging you to pursue your studies and prepare for your exams. However, as you probably know, there are other reasons why this summer will be exceptional. We strongly suggest that you consider taking part in this ceremony. Joining the ranks of the Dark Lord's most faithful servants could be an even better stepping stone than passing all of your OWLs. And of course you would contribute to bringing about the better world that we are all waiting for, the world where pure-blood wizards will take their rightful place over Muggles and other creatures._

_Regulus Arcturus, you are our only son and we put all our faith in you, hoping you will be a worthy member of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black. We trust you will make us proud. _

_ Your parents_  
Toujours pur

Regulus crumpled the letter in his hand and swallowed hard. It seemed he didn't really have a choice. His friends were convinced that he _wanted_ to become a Death Eater, and his parents clearly hoped he would. And trying to come up to their expectations was something Regulus did all his life. He knew that it was no use kidding himself anymore. He wasn't strong enough to turn his back on them, to become their enemy and the object of their wrath, to risk losing everything. He was too scared to do it.

And he was equally scared to tell Holly about it. But he owed it to her. She needed to hear it from him.

He was standing when she entered the Room that Saturday and she realized immediately that something was wrong.

"What happened?" she asked, coming over to him.

Regulus took a deep breath. It was really hard to tell her but he still hoped she would understand.

"I– I can't see you anymore," he said, not looking at her. He was afraid of her reaction.

"Please tell me it's because you can't stand me," she said quietly.

Regulus sighed. That would be the easy way out. But he owed her the truth.

"I'll probably become a Death Eater in the summer," he blurted out, wanting to have it over with.

For a second she was incredulous, but then he saw anger in her eyes.

"Go screw yourself," she spat and turned to leave but he caught her arm.

"Holly, wait–"

"For what? I already told you, you can't have it both ways, Regulus. Either you choose You-Know-Who or you choose people like me. And if you want to become a Death Eater, then that is the last conversation we'll ever have."

"But you know it's not that simple!" he protested, his temper rising. "It's not that I want to do it. I don't have a choice! What if he hurts my family? What if he kills you?"

"Oh, so you're trying to be noble, are you?" she sneered. "But he didn't do anything when your brother went over to the other side, did he? And he doesn't need an excuse to kill me, I've already signed my death warrant. No, Regulus, I remember what you said before. You're afraid. You're afraid of sticking your neck out. You're afraid of taking control of your own life. Why? Because it's safer to keep quiet and let others make decisions for you?"

"Holly–"

"What? What? Did you think I would be sympathetic, cry a little and watch you go?"

No, he didn't expect that. She was not that kind of girl. But he couldn't stand being lectured. He already knew that he was a coward and a loser, and he was mad at himself for not being able to do anything about it. He didn't need to hear it from her.

There was a long silence, during which Holly seemed to calm down a little.

"Goodbye, Regulus," she said quietly, sounding more sad than angry, and left the room. He watched her go and couldn't quite persuade himself that he did the right thing.


	12. Doing the Right Thing

**A/N:**** Thanks for all the amazing reviews! I'm not sure if you can actually **_**enjoy**_** this chapter because it's pretty depressing, but anyway, read and tell me what you think ;)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. **

One of the Reasons

12. Doing the Right Thing

In the summer of 1977 Regulus Black became a Death Eater. He did it with a heavy heart but everyone around him seemed happy about it, so he had what he wanted: peace. He was one of them, and so he was safe. But his conscience wasn't clear, hanging like a dark cloud over him. And the Dark Mark on his left forearm reminded him every day of his cowardice.

But he also knew that this decision was irreversible; he had chosen his path and now he had to follow it. He had to pretend to be a loyal servant of the Dark Lord and to enjoy exterminating Muggles. He would start by sticking some newspaper clippings about Lord Voldemort on his bedroom wall. All because he was afraid to die.

So he hid (literally and figuratively) behind his Death Eater's mask. He rarely spoke in the presence of others, but he obeyed the Dark Lord's orders, and did what he was told without asking any questions or letting anyone know about his doubts. It was hard, especially since every person they tortured or killed reminded him of Holly in some way. One teenage Muggle even had the exact same red trainers. Once more Regulus was thankful for his mask. At least the other Death Eaters didn't see that he bit his lip so hard that blood trickled down his chin. And afterwards he had to keep his hands in his pockets to stop them from shaking.

It was hard, waking every morning despising himself for what he had done the previous day. Hating himself for not being strong enough to walk away. And feeling more alone than ever, knowing that he couldn't share this with anybody. At times like these he missed Holly like crazy.

But when he went back to Hogwarts for his sixth year, he started avoiding the library and the Room of Requirement, and tried not to look in the direction of the Hufflepuff table during meals. It was painful to be this close and yet so far away at the same time, but he was determined to keep her safe. And, although he didn't want to admit it, he couldn't bear to see the anger and disappointment in her eyes.

There was nothing good in his life anymore, nothing worth fighting for, so he just stopped caring. He skipped classes, let Charlie and the younger students do his homework for him, hung around with other Death Eaters, even dated Claire Fitzwilliam for a while, but his heart was not in it. He lived from day to day, not bothering about the future because future had nothing to offer him. When the summer holidays came and he was again taking part in all Death Eater activities, he started hoping some Auror would finish him off. But that would be the easy way out and he knew he didn't deserve it.

His final year at Hogwarts was actually a blessing because it was a break from murdering innocent people. But even this did not cheer him up. He knew that in the grand scheme of things it didn't really matter. As long as the Dark Lord lived, Muggles were going to be slaughtered. And the Dark Lord was invincible. Some even said he was immortal and Regulus was quite ready to believe it.

He didn't even pretend to learn for his final exams. He knew it would be a waste of time. After Hogwarts he was going to be a full-time Death Eater, living of his family's fortune, and good grades would just be a reminder of all the lost opportunities. So he partied with the other Slytherins in the evenings, roamed the corridors of the castle at night, and then slept during classes. The teachers usually ignored this, probably afraid of him. He didn't care. There was a kind of perverse pleasure in imagining Holly's reaction to him being a model Slytherin. Sometimes he just wanted to find her and throw it in her face: "See, I am a cold-blooded monster! You were wrong about me!" Maybe saying that would make it real. Cold-blooded monsters didn't feel remorse, did they? They didn't feel anything. And Regulus didn't want to feel anymore.

And then one day, a week after he came home from school for the last time, the Dark Lord said he required an elf.

Regulus had known for a while that he would have to prove his allegiance to his master. This seemed like a perfect opportunity, and volunteering Kreacher was certainly easier than murdering anyone. He just hoped that Lord Voldemort's plan didn't involve harming the house-elf because he was quite fond of him. That night he told the elf to do whatever the Dark Lord would tell him to do and then to come home. But when he watched him Disapparate, he had a sense of foreboding that he couldn't really understand.

/\ \/ /\

The story that Kreacher told him when he returned shook him out of his stupor. At first he was just indignant at the way in which the Dark Lord had treated his elf. But then his brain started working, analyzing the scraps of information he had and putting them together. Why was this locket so important?

"Kreacher, did the Dark Lord say anything about the locket?" he asked urgently.

The elf was still shaking under the blanket in which Regulus had wrapped him.

"The Dark Lord didn't say anything to Kreacher," he croaked and Regulus dropped his shoulders in resignation. "But he said something to the locket."

Regulus raised his head so quickly, he cricked his neck.

"What did he say?"

"He said… he said: 'We'll be safe here.'"

Regulus's mind whirred. What did that mean? He puzzled over it for the next couple of days without any success. And then everything started falling into place. If the Dark Lord talked to the locket and said "we", it must have been something he considered a part of himself. And if he had put such strong defences around the locket's hiding-place, it must have been something really important. Something that must have been kept safe. Why? Because he was afraid of losing it. Well, losing a part of yourself was not an inviting prospect in any circumstances but what if it was about something more? What if it was the source of his power or his–

"Immortality!" he gasped. Maybe they weren't just rumours, maybe the Dark Lord really couldn't die. Could that locket have something to do with it?

He spent the next few days looking for clues in the Blacks' library. He searched for something that would involve both immortality and a part of the person seeking it. He had almost given up when he found a very old book, pushed to the back of the antique bookcase. And there was the answer: _Horcruxes_.

Excitement welling up inside him, he rushed to the door but then stopped suddenly with his hand on the doorknob. Where exactly was he going? What could he do? People from the Order of the Phoenix were the only ones who could use this information and take action, but even if he told them about it, they would never believe him. And he didn't know how to contact them, anyway. What was he supposed to do? He couldn't just sit here with this knowledge and do nothing!

After a few minutes the realization dawned on him and he felt sick. The Horcrux had to be destroyed so that the Dark Lord could be killed and as he was the only one who knew about it, _he_ had to destroy it.

He walked slowly back to the table and sat down heavily. It was an enormous responsibility and a dangerous endeavour. There was a very big chance that he would not come back alive. And he was running away from death all this time, wasn't he? He never thought he would consider running straight _at_ it. It was all very well to read about sacrifice in books; to do it yourself was another matter entirely.

But it was a chance to stop the Dark Lord, and to atone for what he had done. And it was also a chance to be the man that Holly wanted him to be. The man who did the right thing, even if it meant sticking his neck out or getting killed. And after all, he had nothing to live for now, so maybe he could at least die for something…

In a sudden fit of bravery he decided to let the Dark Lord know that he found out about the Horcrux and that he was no longer loyal to him. He wanted him to see that he couldn't trust anyone, and that even such a coward like Regulus Black could work up some courage to try and destroy him.

_To the Dark Lord_

_I know I will be dead long before you read this, but I want you to know that it was I who discovered your secret. I have stolen the real Horcrux and intend to destroy it as soon as I can. I face death in the hope that when you meet your match, you will be mortal once more._

Maybe the message was a little overdramatic, but it seemed appropriate for the occasion. He started writing his name underneath but then he paused. He wanted to stress the point that he wasn't the Regulus Black they thought they knew. He thought of Holly and it became clear what his signature should be.

_R.A.B._

He folded the piece of parchment and put it inside a small, plain locket, which he then put around his neck.

"Kreacher!"

When the elf appeared, Regulus knelt beside him and asked in a voice trembling with a mixture of fear and excitement.

"Kreacher, can you take me to that cave?"


	13. Epilogue: Memories Are Bittersweet

**A/N: ****I'm sorry for the delay. I knew what I wanted this chapter to be about but somehow I couldn't write it down. **

**On the one hand, I'm glad I've managed to finish this story because it isn't one of my strongest points when it comes to writing. But on the other, ****I'm going to miss Holly and Regulus :/ But anyway…**

**Thanks t****o everyone who read this story, faved it and/or left a review. I really appreciate your feedback ;) And special thanks to zebra-scarf for motivating me to sit down and finish writing the last chapter.**

**So, you know what to do: enjoy and review :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.**

One of the Reasons

13. Epilogue: Memories Are Bittersweet

It was the beginning of Holly's seventh year and she was spending even more time in the library than before. She still hadn't figured out what she wanted to do in the future but she knew that without education she would not get far. So she studied really hard for her N.E.W.T.s and she did it mostly in the library because she enjoyed the place and liked working there. Except when she remembered a certain young Slytherin who used to sit at the table near the window and stare at her.

She knew thinking about him was stupid and pointless. After all, she was the one that told him to go to hell and never come back again. She still thought it was the right decision but it hurt nevertheless. After two years, it still hurt. And on a certain Friday evening in September it started to hurt even more.

She was sitting in an armchair in the Hufflepuff common room, taking a deserved break from all the studying. Her friends were not around for once and she stared idly at the fire, listening to the buzz of conversation around her. Suddenly, she heard a familiar name being spoken and she turned her attention to a group of younger boys sitting nearby.

"…Blacks are really on his blacklist now," one of them was saying and the others laughed.

"Why?" a definitely younger boy asked, looking at the others in wide-eyed surprise.

"Are you kidding, Jerry?" the first one snorted. "It's obvious, isn't it? First Sirius Black becomes a Gryffindor and sure as hell doesn't want to be friends with You-Know-Who or his DE's. And now his younger brother turns out to be another _black_ sheep of the family."

"Yeah? What did he do?"

"Come on, Jerry, you're just playing dumb, aren't you?"

"What? My parents are Muggles, we don't get _The_ _Daily Prophet_."

"Well, it's high time you started getting it or you're always be in the black– I mean, dark." The other boys howled with laughter at another "Black" joke. Holly thought it was getting rather old.

"Wait, it wasn't in _The_ _Daily Prophet_!" one of the others protested. "My dad heard it at work."

"Yeah, so did mine. But who cares? Okay, I'll tell you. So, this Regulus Black was a good boy, well, at least from his family's point of view, and he became a DE. Some time last year, I think. But he obviously didn't have the stomach for it because after a while he chickened out."

"You can do that?"

"Of course not, Jerry," the older boy scoffed at him. "That's why they killed him."

Holly had to grab the sides of her armchair because the world was spinning so fast. Regulus was _dead_?

She barely made it out of the common room before the tears came. She knew she wasn't supposed to cry for evil Death Eaters but she couldn't help it. Regulus didn't deserve to die. He wasn't really a bad person. She had liked him and that was why she had hoped he would have the guts to do the right thing. When he chose the other side, she was angry and disappointed. But she never wanted him dead…

That evening in the girls' dormitory she didn't even try to hide her distress. When her friends asked her what was the matter, she told them one of her Muggle friends had died. They were so sympathetic and supportive that she was glad of this lie. It would have been much harder to bear if they weren't there for her.

/\ \/ /\

Holly finished Hogwarts with a clear idea of what she wanted to do. There was a war going on and she knew she couldn't just sit at home and wait for it to end. She got a job at the Ministry of Magic along with some of her friends – they were producing leaflets with guidelines for keeping oneself and one's family safe. It wasn't much but at least she felt she was a part of something.

Everything changed on 31st October, 1981 when He Who Must Not Be Named was defeated while trying to kill Harry Potter. After ten dark years there was finally peace and the world was normal once more. And Holly had all her life before her.

But the very next day the moment was spoiled for her. Sirius Black had been arrested and sent to Azkaban for killing his friend and twelve Muggles. He was also said to have betrayed the Potters. It was a shock to everybody who knew him or even heard of him but Holly was completely stunned by the news. Had he been You-Know-Who's follower all these years? Was he his spy at Hogwarts? Were the Black brothers just pretending to hate each other? But Regulus sounded so sincere… But if this was a lie, maybe he was lying about not wanting to be a Death Eater, too?

So instead of celebrating with everyone else the fall of Voldemort, she was questioning Regulus's motives and berating herself for crying after his death. But she was a strong person and she got over it. She told herself that she did the right thing breaking it off and that it was all behind her. She would not be fooled by him again.

Soon afterwards she took a journalist course organized by _The_ _Daily Prophet _and then a Muggle one to get more experience. She worked for a while at _Witch Weekly_ (although recipes and household spells were not her cup of tea), then for _Quidditch Madness_ (after a year her articles started appearing in the first half of the magazine and she even got to interview a couple of players), and then in Ministry's Press Bureau where she prepared press releases and organized press conferences for the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. And then one day she opened the newspaper and saw an advertisement that changed her life. Her favourite Quidditch team, Wigtown Wanderers, was looking for a spokesperson and Holly realized it was a perfect job for her. Apparently, the managers thought she was the perfect person for it, too.

She was responsible for talking to the press about everything involving the team and the players, and for organising press conferences and interviews. It was a challenging and quite stressful job but there were also amazing fringe benefits. She got the best seats for every match, she could come to practice any time she wanted and she got to spend a lot of time with the players. And that was how she met Edwin "Van" Vancoller, the team's Keeper, who became her husband three years later.

Edwin was always cool, calm, and collected, whether he was defending his goalposts or solving a personal problem, and he always managed to calm her down. People who knew them joked that in their marriage she was the fire and he was the water. But in this case the opposites did not collide and she was tremendously happy. And even though he was a professional Quidditch player and was training all the time, the fact that they worked in the same place allowed them to spend enough time together to make their marriage work.

\/ /\ \/

In spite of her pessimistic predictions, when the Quidditch World Cup took place in Britain, she was only 32 and quite capable of enjoying it. But she didn't have a good time. First of all, they were constantly surrounded by screaming people who wanted to get Edwin's autograph and the photographers' flashbulbs blinded them wherever they went. And when they finally arrived at their seats, which were really high up, Holly looked down at the magnificent stadium and was reminded of Regulus and of the conversation they had had about this moment. And that wasn't exactly her idea of fun.

But the worst thing happened during the night, when Death Eaters appeared in the middle of the campsite. Luckily, nobody was hurt but it was another remainder of Regulus and it was too much for her. When they finally got home the next day, she told Edwin her "big, dark secret". She had never told anyone about this before because it was just too weird and difficult to explain, and she still had mixed feelings about the whole thing. But she trusted Edwin and after the events of the previous night she needed to get it off her chest. And he didn't judge her – he just listened and comforted her.

They were celebrating their fourth anniversary the night that Voldemort returned, though they weren't aware of it at the time. For the next year they were torn between believing Harry Potter and believing the Ministry. And though it seemed that everything was all right, they had discussed their options in the event of You-Know-Who's return to power, and so after the Battle of the Department of Mysteries they put their plan to action. They quit their jobs, which weren't much useful under the circumstances, and started working for an underground newspaper. Holly was one of the writers and Edwin was in charge of its distribution. These were dark times and every day Holly was afraid she would not see him again. Sometimes she even thought of running away and hiding but she was always ashamed of it afterwards.

But they were lucky and they survived. When it was all over, they spent two weeks in Ireland, hiking and enjoying the peace and quiet. And when they got back, there was a surprise waiting for her. _The Daily Prophet_ had published an obituary for all the people who have died fighting Voldemort and there was Regulus's name on that list, right above his brother's…

"Oh my–" she gasped and showed the paper to Edwin. "What does that mean?"

"That he died fighting Voldemort, I suppose," he replied calmly. There was no trace of sarcasm in his voice.

"But how come– I mean, how do they know this?" she asked, looking fervently around the page for some explanation.

"I guess you could ask Harry Potter," he suggested after a while.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Regulus died many years ago and there was never any rumour that he had changed sides, was there? So it was probably discovered recently. And if that's the case, then Harry Potter should know something about it."

It seemed quite logical so Holly sent a letter to Mr Harry Potter, explaining that she had been Regulus's friend before he became a Death Eater and that any information about the circumstances of his death and change of heart would be very welcome.

For the next couple of days she was constantly looking out for the return owl. She had thought it was all behind her but this new revelation really shook her. She realized she still cared, and that the hope that Regulus was in fact a good person never really died.

On the evening of the fourth day of waiting she was lying on the couch, tired after a whole day of work (everybody was eager to start afresh after Voldemort's reign and the Quidditch League was no exception), when Edwin walked into the room, holding an envelope in his hand.

"It's from him," he said simply. "Do you want me to go away?"

He wanted to give her some privacy but she realized she didn't want to read the letter alone.

"No, Van, please stay."

Edwin sat down on the couch beside her and she snuggled up to him. She took out a piece of parchment from the envelope, unfolded it slowly and started to read.

Harry Potter was sorry for her loss and said he understood why seeing Regulus Black's name on that list must have been a shock to her. He didn't have much information about Regulus's motives but he knew for certain that sometime before his death in the summer of 1979 he had changed his mind about Voldemort, found out about one of the Horcruxes and sacrificed himself to destroy it.

"I feel terrible right now," she whispered after she finished reading.

"Why?" Edwin furrowed his brow, scanning the letter.

"The last time we spoke, I basically told him he was a coward. And all this time I thought he was one. But sacrificing himself? That must have taken a lot of courage."

"Maybe he wanted to prove to you that he wasn't a coward after all?"

Holly considered it for a moment and suddenly realized something.

"Then it's my fault he's dead!"

"Okay, then you're also responsible for the fact that we didn't win the league in 1991 because during the matches I was thinking about the best way to propose to you and not about the game."

She looked at him in disbelief. That was not the time for jokes. Usually he was more sensitive.

"Look," he continued and this time she was sure he was serious, "you can't be responsible for the influence you have on other people. I mean, you didn't tell him: go and do this. If he wanted to prove to you that he wasn't a coward, then it only means that you were really important to him."

"Well, he should have said something. I mean, how was I supposed to know about this?"

"He couldn't send you a letter, could he? That would have been too dangerous. For both of you." Edwin was amazingly patient with her when she was this distraught.

Holly took a couple of deep breaths and was finally able to see things more clearly. It didn't really matter if Regulus did it for her or not. Actually, as it had already been too late to get into her good books, he probably did it because he believed that he was doing the right thing. And _that_ meant a lot.

She sighed and put her head on Edwin's shoulder.

"I'm sorry for all this. You're probably fed up with this Regulus stuff. But it was really important to me. And now I can finally let it go."

"It's okay. I've realized, you know, that he and I have something in common."

"You mean me?" she asked half-jokingly.

"Yes, you." Edwin pulled her closer to him. "Holly, you are the best thing that has happened to me. And I think Regulus felt the same way."

Holly smiled. It seemed she was the lucky one here. Besides having a wonderful husband, she finally got proof that she hadn't been mistaken about Regulus. All was well.

**THE END**


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